You just have to work on it, you know what I mean? I never understood why our society pressures us to have achieved Goals A, B and C by the time we're at a certain age, and then we move on to the next puzzle of life. What if you've tried and given it your all and still nothing? What if fate decided you're bound to be some place else? Does that make you a loser? Sure, you can think of yourself as an outlier, especially if you compare yourself to the people around you who seem to be hitting home runs after home runs. But I sincerely believe we are where we're supposed to be at any moment in time, even through the toughest and darkest times. 

I've been there. I've hated every minute of it, I wanted to pull my skin and bury my bones. I've cried just thinking of how "far" I've fallen behind. I lost my place on that boat and all there was left was to sink at the deepest depths of my despair. You let that either eat you alive or make you grow stronger. You decide. You can cry and brush it off or you cry until you're a raisin. You should punch harder. Shake it off. Start again. And again. Refresh every night. You find an outlet that you makes you feel your best, that makes you forget you're in competition with anyone (trust me, you're not... it's a figment of your imagination and an imposition by society). 

Baking was my sanctuary. That kitchen became a safe haven. Flour, sugar and spices became my confidantes. The baking tins were like shelter, the oven a warm embrace. For the hour I spent baking cookies or banana bread or brownies, I was engulfed in my own world. All the horrible thoughts and worries were left out the door. On the plus side, I got a lot better at baking! That's a win right there. 

Like a worker bee, I'm still buzzing and searching for some sweet nectar. It doesn't end, and I really don't think it ever will. You attain satisfaction, but I don't think we ever stay there, floating on status quo. That gets boring. Though you don't think you're at your best or you're not married at 28 or you haven't crossed off most items in your bucket list today, you're still a masterpiece. You don't ever stop being one, paint splatter and broken brushes and all. 

(I know, I know, I have to transition now to the recipe...) And in this case, it was all about trying something new in the kitchen. Lo and behold, this really sweet treat! Vegan carmelitas with chocolate chunks, tahini-coconut milk caramel layer and added apple chunks. No one's complaining. It's a masterpiece! (And I give where credit is due. Check out the original recipe here.)


Vegan & Gluten-Free Carmelitas with Apple Chunks
Makes 9 to 16 squares

Ingredients:
Oat Layer

• 1 cup gluten-free oat flour
• 1 1/4 cups gluten-free oats
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• Pinch of salt
• 1/2 cup coconut sugar
• 3/4 cup coconut oil, melted

Chocolate Layer

• 1 1/4 cups chocolate chips of choice

Caramel Layer

• 1/2 cup tahini 
• 1/2 cup chilled coconut milk (make sure mixed properly)
• 1/4 cup maple syrup

• 1 apple, diced

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a square pan with parchment paper and set aside. 

In a bowl, mix together melted coconut oil and coconut sugar. Then add all oat layer ingredients. Combine well. 

Pour half of the oat batter mixture in the prepared pan. Press down and make sure the layer is even. Bake for 10 minutes. 

In a separate bowl, whisk together all ingredients of caramel layer. 

When the oat crust is baked, layer the chocolate chunks evenly. Then pour the caramel layer. Make sure the caramel layer covers the pan evenly. Then top with apple chunks and the remaining oat mixture. 

Return to the oven and bake for 20 to 30 minutes (my caramel layer took 30 minutes to set). 

Let cool completely before trying to slice. Chill in the fridge for at least 2 hours before cutting into bars. 

Enjoy! xx